How To Know When to Walk Through a Door

New Year Discovery

This post is for my friend Laura and for every woman like her who thinks she may have a spark to kindle.

Sparks start with INSPIRATION.

We tend to think of inspiration as something big. We imagine wide open doors with blinking arrows and bright lights pointing the way. On top of that, we believe that there must be great and measurable outcomes on the other side of the angelic door. We envision new meaningful relationships, exciting career shifts, creative accolades and rewarding adventure. The open door stands for OPPORTUNITY and most of us want it!

For those of us who are excited by the word OPPORTUNITY, we’ve already grabbed a pretty notebook and a fav pen. We have a stack of articles and images ready to inspire and direct. Pinterest boards and notes for a business plan are front and center. Inquisitive, hopeful thoughts fill our mind – – Where are we going Lord? What will we do? How will you use this door for your glory?

On the other hand, not all of us jump into OPPORTUNITY so quickly, or maybe not at all. Some of us ponder the word and believe OPPORTUNITY isn’t a good fit for one reason or another. You may be saying to yourself one or more of the following:

  • I’m a helper, not a starter.
  • I’m supporter, not a leader.
  • I suffer from a chronic illness that limits me.
  • I contend with mental health issues and feel unqualified.
  • I’m scared of new things and I really don’t like change.

Perhaps you are thinking you were made for the simple and small, and you connect well with verses like 1 Thessalonians 4:11.

Make it your goal to live a quiet life working with your hands.

1 Thessalonians 4:11

Dear friends, the Lord has all of us in His mighty hands. He created you to be INSPIRED so that each of us can do the work of His hands.

For we are his workmanship, created in Jesus Christ for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

Ephesians 2:10

Time to Redefine

I’d like to redefine our utopian ideal when it comes to Doors of Opportunity. Whether we are paying attention or not, God directs His light toward small enchanted doors every single day. The tiniest doors associated with the smallest next steps are potentially the start of something beautifully new in our lives. If we are open to the small clues that we intersect with every day, we can follow God’s lead into something new.

What does a door of opportunity look like? 

A Door of Opportunity gives you reason to pause. Even if it’s for seconds, you feel the pause. Let me give you my best, somewhat recent personal example.

During the early days of the global pandemic when we were on actual lockdown, I was particularly drawn to soul care. I started reading Survival Guide for the Soul: How to Flourish Spiritually in a World that Pressures Us to Achieve by Ken Shigematsu. A few other books (see below) had preceded The Survival Guide. The arrows were pointing me in a direction, giving me small clues upon the way.

Because of the unique global slowdown, I was able to read in the morning and after I finished my law firm work. I was able to walk outdoors mid-morning most days and listen to a podcast. I spent time with my kids on their “lunch”. In the evenings, I watched TV with my daughter from a spot on the couch where I could also see the moon. I was just able. That schedule could not have existed outside of the unique circumstances of a global pandemic.

The season of digging deep into soul care enabled me to develop a morning routine that would fit my life as we exited the season of slow. I started to keep track of things like hydration, journaling, reading and moving my body. Not all of the things I choose to incorporate into my life worked. I’ve seen some come and stay, and others go.

Here’s the Magic that I Could Have Never Seen Coming

Soul care created the groundwork for me to be brave later on when I needed to. After reflecting on my life again in the summer of 2021, I had the wherewithal to resign from all of the commitments and activities that previously spoke into my worth somewhat as a counterfeit. Because I was connected to what was best for my soul according to God’s plan for my life, I was able to disconnect from the organizations, events and memberships that previously defined my worth. I no longer felt the fear of scarcity I thought I would experience by letting go of commitments.

That initial season of soul care growth has continued to impact my creativity, my ability to heal and move on from disappointment and enlightenment to other valuable parts of my person.

God Projects His Light on Tiny Doors of Opportunity Every Day.

Think about it.

I read a not too popular book that has exactly 119 reviews on Amazon simply because one of my favs, Ann Voskamp, wrote the forward. Every day in my backyard, I faithfully answered all of the journal questions with genuine earnestness. I started to build a life out of what I learned about caring for my soul and not giving a crap about how the world would measure me because of it. A season in time allowed me to live in a vast space of soul care.

The book sparked inspiration in me. The Survival Guide was an itty bitty door without any flashing arrows or heavenly light shining out of it. I let the Lord show me that this was a good door and it was time to walk through it.

What is NOT a Door of Opportunity?

You may be thinking that my example is limited to special circumstances and there are far more pressing matters than soul care in your life. I know and that may be true. For that reason, I am going to now tell you what a door is NOT.

As I said, Doors of Opportunity present themselves to us every single day. Some doors are particularly exciting and even come with invitations from people or organizations that we value or admire. These are the toughest types of doors to judge. Even so, here is a reasonably simple way to know when to shut the door without too much thought or effort.

  • If the door causes you to feel pressure in your heart, mind or body, this door is not for you.
  • If you feel you are being pushed through a door, it’s time to dig your boots into the dirt and take an about-face.
  • If you feel or know that the door resonates with a part of your heart that will be led off your God given course, run like Joseph, even if you’re left standing naked.
  • If the door makes you feel exhausted just by the looks of it, keep walking.
  • If the people or organizations standing just inside the door have a history of draining you or others you know, gracefully decline the opportunity.
  • If the door will demand time you don’t currently have, you must not say yes to this door.
  • If the door causes you to renumber or reconsider priorities that God has already ordered in your life, you must say no to this door.

Let’s Circle Back to the Good Door of Opportunity

Here are a few more examples of how to peg the good door.

You’re looking out a window in dim morning light. You see the wind blowing through arms of leaves of trees. You’re reminded that God’s there with you. What does He say to you in that moment? That’s a door.

You receive a text asking if you’ll give your opinion on a difficult topic or decision. Sharing your wisdom and experience on that topic feels natural and right. That’s a door.

You are driving on a sunny day during your lunch break. An idea comes to mind that you know didn’t originate from your own thinking. You feel the stream of the idea so strongly that you write it down on scrap paper to read later when you have more time. That’s a door. 

My Friend Laura

When my friend Laura mentioned that she liked the title How to Start Something New, my thoughts brought me to Doors of Opportunity. Walking though a door is the first step to starting something. The next best step is to continue the exploration. Here are some ideas.

How to Explore

  1. Research – Online digging, read books and articles and watch videos
  2. Community – Share your new door of opportunity with two to three trusted friends. Get feedback and encouragement. Brainstorm together so you can formulate your next best step.
  3. Events – Figure out what organizations or businesses are doing your “new door” well. Attend events and get involved.
  4. Training/Classes – Sign up for in person or online classes to help you tune into the skills you will need.
  5. Carve Out Time – Give your door of opportunity at least one hour a week of set aside quiet time.
  6. Hire a Coach – When I first decided I wanted to help women find their calling (the topic of a class I used to teach), I hired a coach to help me get clarity and create a plan.

Dear Laura and the Rest of You Fabulous Ladies,

I hope this post has helped you know when to walk through a door of opportunity. My desire is to remind you that you were created for good works that God planned before the beginning of time. Stay away from outwardly attractive doors that are not meant for you. Lean into doors that arise in the smallest, most quiet of ways. The doors that are gently whispering to you are likely the real deal.

With love,

Sasha

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Fall Discovery: How to be Intentional

Discover Fall

There are thousands of ways to live intentionally. In fact, this is one of the widest action words I know. Intention can be applied to literally every area of our lives. Work, relationships, faith, parenting, friendships, fitness, mental well-being, hobbies/interests . . .When the options are so vast, intention can get lost in the opportunities.

Simply put, intentionality is taking specific actions toward an outcome that is important to you.

Intention can get lost in the action and execution when we don’t first determine what is important to us. We can adopt someone else’s list of intentional acts because they appeal to us. But if the purpose isn’t in line with our own purpose, intentional living ends up fizzling out or burning us out.

Why I Started Creating Bucket Lists

I started making bucket lists about two years ago. Previous to that, I had shifted from writing to women’s networking for a time. When it was time to shift back to writing, I lacked inspiration and my personal why. Creating bucket lists were a simple way to find what was important to me again.

My first bucket list was for Valentine’s Day. The list focused on loving others, self care, creativity and hospitality. You can look at that first bucket list and all of the others by clicking here.

Four Pillars

As I continued to create bucket lists for Spring, Summer, Fall, Christmas and the New Year, my why became clearer and clearer. My four personal pillars represent what is important to me.

  • Loving others is a biblical call and brings me joy.
  • Self care is an area I have neglected most of my adult life. However, I can confidently say no more after a lot of growth in the last few years.
  • Input and output in the way of creativity is what keeps my soul alive. I find that I am more fully myself and happy when I am honoring creativity in my life.
  • I think I could write a book on hospitality. In this brief bullet, I will share that my home with its furniture, accessories and food represents a valuable way to invite others into peace, comfort and enjoyment.

The List Must Bolster Wholeness, Not Productivity

My understanding of intentionality also grew as I wrote and lived out bucket lists. I learned that if, even for one minute, the list felt like a burden, then the list was no longer serving its purpose. If the list sneakily transitioned to a measure of productivity, then it was time to stop. Or, if the list negatively impacted my worth, then the list lost its worth. Make sense?

Bucket List Mantra

As I continued to create bucket lists, this became my mantra:

My bucket lists are about bearing fruit. They are intentional guides to help you live out love, self care, creativity and hospitality in every season.

Fall Bucket List Progress

This week on IG, I shared my Fall bucket list journey thus far. I’m sharing the pics here with more detail. Enjoy. Be inspired. Be intentional. Be bold with your love. Down below you will find a few questions to help you write your own seasonal bucket list.

Three of us pooled resources for this fall bundle of goodness. I dropped it off, sent a text that something was outside and hopped back in the car. We picked this friend because she is a giver and tends to isolate when she is in need of comfort, sisterhood and understanding. This was our way of delivering that to her while honoring her desire to seek solace within her home.

Dustyn is my monthly coffee date for the rest of the year. She doesn’t know that it’s life giving to me to serve her as she lives out a part of her story I see in myself. What a blessing to exercise vulnerability, laughter and sisterhood.

I love my green pumpkin. I also have a yellow and orange striped cutie with a green ribbon tied around the stem. I have been known to go overboard with my pumpkin purchases, but I am quite happy with these two this year.

We have fall scented candles in every room. Many of them are lit right now. The last three people who walked through the front door said, what smells so good? Bull’s eye!

If you flipped over this card, you would see that I have written three Christmas miracles I am praying for. I hope to write a few more. Some are big and some are small, but all mean something to me.

Discovery Questions: WRITE YOUR OWN BUCKET LIST

  1. Name four things that are important to you. You could include categories like I did or individual people, a specific hobby, something work related. Enjoy writing a few important things.
  2. Once you have a few important things, think about your season of life. You could choose the actual season as I did. Or you could note your life season such as empty nester, busy time at work, hurting in need of healing, overflowing season . . .
  3. Write down the season you chose in number two on the top of a sheet of paper. Below it, write the four things that are important to you.
  4. Now you are ready to write your bucket list. Be inspired by things that are important to you in the season of life you are in. Give yourself a time frame to live out your bucket list items.

Love,

Sasha

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Wisdom for the Secret Desires of Women – Part One

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Some of us think we know what we want and we pursue it. We set out to accomplish it, and whether we fail or succeed, surprisingly we discover it does not bring us what we most desire.

Some of us can’t decide what we want. We are stuck in the wanting of something, nothing, and everything. We stay stagnant or very, very busy, but we still don’t get what we most desire.

Some of us, however, land right in our sweet spot. We experience value, fulfillment, and strength, and get what we desire most. If all women have desires deep within them, then why are so many of us missing our mark, landing somewhere else or stuck? When it comes to our true desires, how do we know when we are on the path to our sweet spot or when the winds have directed our path?

In a recent survey of creative, resourceful women, I found that almost all the women had groundbreaking six-month goals. Here are just a few:

Get a blog accepted to an online magazine

Get a blog accepted to an online magazine

Begin free diving

Influence my generation to give to the next

Grow my company so I can hire other women

Start a mom’s prayer group in my city

Apply to Bible college and get a degree

Travel to a place I’ve never been

Blend our families in my new marriage

Create a voice for singles in my church

Whether or not you have a six-month goal, let’s consider the nine listed above. If each woman accomplished the goal she verbalized and memorialized, would she experience value, fulfillment, and strength? Would she have what she desired most? Would she experience inner peace?

Inner peace may sound like an elusive notion. It may even sound monkish, new age or self-indulging, but, in my experiences with women, it is what we desire most. Whether it’s parenting, personal calling, marriage, community involvement or friendship, women have a deep desire for an inner peace which flows into key areas of their lives.

When we are setting out to accomplish our secret desires; when we are venturing to our sweet spot, the key question is: Will this bring peace to my soul? If Godly peace is the center of your pursuit, you can be confident you are setting out on a path that will bring you what you desire most.

So, then, how do we get to our sweet spot? The wisdom that will lead you to the peace and fulfillment you desire begins with your calling. The statements below embody the fourfold wisdom for the secret desires of women.

You Are Gifted

You Are Valuable and Valued

You Are Fulfilled by Living Out Your Gifts

In Living Out Who You Are, You Find Strength

Wisdom begins with the knowledge of what your gifts are. Syncing your God-given gifts with your daily practices leads to realizing your value. Putting your gifts into practice exhibits your value to yourself and others. The eventual result of practicing your gifts and talents in a valuable way lends itself to personal fulfillment. As you live who you were made to be in the season that you are in, strength appears in ways it never has before. You are gifted. You are valuable. You are fulfilled. You are strong. Your soul is at peace. This is the fourfold wisdom for the secret desires of women.

You Are Gifted

Look to the Past to Find Your Future

Women, in order to know your gifts, you will have to know yourself. You will have to take quiet time to look into your past so that you can see your future. As you look back in the silence of the moment, you will remember what made you smile at six. You will dream of impossible and bold adventures like you did when you were twelve. You will love with all the passion and fearlessness you had when you were twenty. You will remember coming into your person and claiming who you are. All of these thoughts, feelings, and memories will point you to who you are and then to your future path.

When you remember, like I did, that I love wise owls and shimmery butterflies, you will know that it is time to incorporate creative gifts back into your life. When I recalled the years I didn’t shave and marched for my causes, I realized that my business could be used as a force for good in my community. When I pondered the years of babies and being broke, I remembered that I can do anything new or hard in my life’s path. My memories brought me to my gifts. My gifts brought me to my future.

When you take the quiet time to look back, you will see into your future. The space that was once empty, blank or bleak will come into focus. Your vision for your future in your current season will become clear. Suddenly, you can see where the lamp at your feet and the light on your path are leading. You can walk down this path in boldness because you have a vision.

Pain Is a Part of Your Gifting

Sister, you are unfinished. There is a future path you can walk because of the past and present pain you have weathered. The best part of unfinished is that there is so much more to come. As undesirable as a season of pain really is, it carves out wisdom, compassion, and grace in a unique way. Pain and suffering are not the end of you, nor do they define you. Personal pain is simply evidence of the unfinished work and the great journey ahead.

I have a trusted sister Kay who barely relates to pain because she has embraced it so well. Her journey began when her husband’s business partnership went bad. Resulting litigation, great financial loss, multiple moves away from the town they called home, uprooted kids, church changes, homeschool experiments, school transfers, and more professional changes brought painful challenges. Kay’s nature is to be rooted, well planned and under control, but she was uprooted in almost every way a person can be uprooted. Kay worked through her pain. She made it a point to make home wherever home was. The best part is that a very finished person remains unfinished.

You will find some of your giftings from your seasons of pain. My friend has learned that home is not a city or a town or a church or a Bible study or a ministry. Home is with her family. She has a definition of home that belongs to her. What will my friend do with her gift? Who will she impact? What will she dream up as a result of her pain? If we can understand that pain makes us an unfinished work, we can be filled with hope that there is so much more to come.

Your Heart’s Call

All of us were made with a heart call. You may not know what yours is yet. You may have more than one. My heart call can be summed up in the words uninvited or excluded. It bothers me when a person is left out or ridiculed because they are different, unusual or perceived as not good enough. I noticed when someone is laughed at, treated unfairly or attacked for no good reason, compassion and action would rise up in me. I may not have always consciously known that about myself, but I discovered my desire for compassion and action towards injustice when I listened to my heart call.

Once you pinpoint at least one of your heart calls, you can take intentional steps towards your calling. For me, I began to take my time to listen to a lost, lonely or hurting person. I could see it in their eyes. I learned that when my heart string was activated, I needed to take time, whether I thought I had it or not, to listen. I eventually realized that taking my time to listen to others lead to freedom in them and freedom in me. When I am living out one of my gifts in a positive, intentional way, God moves and fruit appears. When you listen for your heart’s call, you will find your bend and what type of injustice you were made for.

You Are Valuable and Valued

There are many good things a woman can choose to be and do in her lifetime. Something magical happens when her choices are derived from the calling over her life. A powerful layer of self-worth begins to form when she’s living out her calling. Why is that? The reason is that she is living and breathing what she was made to do.

When a woman follows her calling, she sees the value of who she is. It’s not that following the call brings the value, it’s that living out her gifts and talents brings the knowledge of her worth to herself. As she is engaging in a way that brings forth awareness of her worth, she experiences the beginning of inner peace.

The best example I can give you is my dear friend Madeline. Madeline has been through extraordinary pain in relationships. Pain has a way of putting a question mark right through our sense of worth. Madeline intentionally processed her pain instead of hiding or running from it. In her season of pain, she spent her time reading life-giving books, engaging in her community of sisters and devoting hours to quiet time in the Word. She often shared transparently about her pain with trusted sisters and brothers. In a season where it would have been easier to hurt alone, Madeline welcomed others into her world even though it was broken with sharp edges and open-ended problems.

As the pain transformed her heart, her gifts and talents began to surface. Madeline undoubtedly learned a few things about herself in this season. She learned that there is nothing wrong with being the spiritual leader of her home. There is nothing missing from her life as an unmarried woman. Her family is not incomplete or less than. If she ends up meeting a lifelong partner, it won’t be someone to complete her family or replace who she is, but a partner to love and lead with.

As she healed over time, Madeline began to take a few cues from her life. She is regularly asked to take on leadership positions. She may have already known that she is patient, methodical and inclusive, but she did not know how well she was suited for leadership roles. Madeline has learned that she has the ability to create practice and order from vision in order to serve a greater purpose. The work she did during her deepest pain brought her gifts and talents to the surface.

Although Madeline suffered greatly in a few key relationships, she was able to realize her worth when she began to live out the gifts and talents that were already in her. As she recognized her value in living out her gifts and talents, she became a licensed business life coach and went back to school to get her master’s in counseling. Madeline’s personal calling is underway and much of her journey began with recognizing her worth and value all over again.

The pain we experience causes us to question our value and worth. When we process through the pain and begin to find ourselves, we are filled with motivation to live out of our gifts and talents.  This is the sacred place where we recognize our worth and run after our call. Nothing can stop the faith-filled pursuit of a woman who knows her worth. This is the key to finding inner peace which flows within her and then to the people she values most.

*Join me next week where I’ll share Part Two of Wisdom for the Secret Desires of Women

 

 

 

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