Be A “Fan the Flame” Kinda Girl

Friendship

Lately, I’ve been meeting up with friends from points of time in the past. The kindness in each woman’s eyes is a gift. The stories they tell me warm my heart. The history between us brings me back to places and spaces that have meaning back then and meaning now. They open a door into their heart and they invite me to do the same. These girls are Fan The Flame Kinda Girls.

Offerdahl’s with Stella

I had breakfast with my dear friend Stella (all names changed in this post). When she started doing bible study with our group of girls, she had pre-pinned us as surface ladies who played perfect. She was pleasantly surprised when she realized the roots ran deep and judgment for the hard stuff we all go through didn’t exist. 

Stella brought me so much joy when she told me about her thriving adult kids. Her two older boys found their way – – one as a dad and husband, and the other as a lead mechanic on a yacht traveling the world. Her little guy was becoming a plane mechanic and her relationship with her daughter was holding in one piece. She loves her job even with the layers of tension. This is the stuff that makes me happy. 

The Grill with Trina

I met up with Trina at a prior stomping ground. As I waited a few minutes for her, I saw some old faces. So many memories bubbled up. Trina sat down and told me a tidal wave of good news. She started her own business, met a guy and was getting married in three weeks. Trina looked gorgeous and true to herself as the day I met her.

We had originally connected, I think, when I found her online, and asked her to teach middle school girls calligraphy at my office on the weekends. Trina was a huge part of my life in that she was a safe place when I was trying out/contemplating new business directions. And, she was and is an accomplished creator who put together my first workbook and later devotion. 

How You Brewin Coffee with Michelle

I connected with another woman Michelle who I met years ago in a women’s fitness group. She became a real estate professional and I wanted to hear all about that transition. But, we mostly talked about other things. My girlfriend Sara explained to me that sometimes people see you in a particular light and it’s not easy to shift the narrative. I didn’t understand that, but now I do.

There are a few other people on my list. I’d like to see my friend Tia. She is so very deep that I have to be prepared to see a honest reflection of myself when I meet with her. That’s not always easy, but it’s better to lean into a bridge instead of apprehension. Perhaps I will reach out to her very soon. 

Another working mom Jana is probably too buried in the weeds with young kids to meet up with me. I think of her as part of a time in my life when I was cohosting women’s networking meet-ups. She was so bright and ready to catch stars. What an honor to have known her for a short period of time.

Friendships Hold a Time, Space & Place In Your Heart

Relationships are such interesting creatures. The thought of a person brings you to a time and a place, and a feeling or feelings to go with it. The sight or presence of a person is both like an entry point to their lives and an internal reflection of your own self. The kinda people that I have an attraction to are those who without effort share a part of their lives. The kinda people who smile and listen in. The kinda people that say – Hey, nothing’s lost, maybe you are supposed to write about that. Or – I hope you get back in your sweet spot with work. I’m praying that for you. 

Friendships Stay with You

When I was waiting for Trina, at the prior stomping ground, I was whisked back to the hundreds upon hundreds of hours I had spent in that place. The thousands of prayers at small tables looking across at a friend or friends. The meals, the green smoothies, take out lunches.

More than a decade of my life was spent working on my lap top at a table as I strived hard as a working mom aiming to be fully present for my kids. Those years have passed now. I don’t want them back in the way of a Time Machine, but I do grieve some for that long season of life that felt fortified and meaningful, where I felt needed – – for lack of a more dimensional word. 

The building I was standing in held so many milestones, hard fought for things that mattered deeply to me. By the time I Ieft my friend and looked around again, I was, I think, overwhelmed. Overwhelmed codes itself as sadness for me. That’s just my INFJ, enneagram 9 self trying to grapple with the past, present and future in one deep thought. It’s overwhelming but it’s just who I am girlfriend. My friends know it and they build me up when I need it.

Friendship is a Two Way Gift

I’ve said – – Lately, I have been meeting up with friends from points of time in the past. I don’t know if I will plan any more of these meet ups. My introverted, extroverted ways take me in and out of making plans. But I do know that people are markers of where you are and where they are. When you connect, you receive a gift in the way only they can give. In turn, you give a gift only you can give. When you walk away, you take with you encouragement, joy and reflection. Their offering is what I would call a “fan the flame” kinda person. 

Fan The Flame in Others

Are you a fan the flame kinda person? That runs deeper than fun to be around. It’s the kind of friend that willingly opens up herself showing the fullness of her joy and fullness of her troubles when she has them. When you look and listen to her, you know that it’s real and true; and in turn, you can choose to live, more real and more true. It may take a little soul searching and reflection after your time with her, but she’s one reason you’ll be more fully yourself. 

As I remember your tears, I long to see you, that I may be filled with joy. I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure dwells in you. For this reason, I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self control.

2 Timothy 1:4-7

Reflection Questions

What do you think it’s like to meet up with you? Do you think you are a fan the flame kinda girl? 

When you meet up with people, are you able to listen with open ears? Can you let go of your life and day and listen in to someone else’s? Can you do it without trying to solve all the problems and just be present? Can you do it without judgment? Hard questions!!

Can you share openly whether it’s sunny days or gray clouds? Listening is a gift, but sharing is equally a gift. Are comfortable with both? 

Can you be okay with your feelings after you meet up with a fan the flame kinda girl? Are you willing to be more real and more true? Will you take one small step to being more fully yourself?

I’m sharing some of my memories from this year so far – – these are all FAN THE FLAME kinda girls.

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Why I Still Love Inspirational Bucket Lists

Bucket List

I made my first inspirational bucket list for Valentine’s Day in 2021. It was a collaboration with my mama who is the most creative person I know. We started the bucket lists because she has a lifetime of scrumptious recipes that we wanted to seasonally share. My mom currently is taking care of my grandma who has Alzheimer’s and also loving being a grandma to babies again, but she still really loves to bake. You can find her “artwork” on IG at TastesDivineSweets The pic below was our very first Inspirational Bucket List post.

On my side of the fence, I share ways to help women live out love, self care, creativity and hospitality in every season. Specifically, inspirational bucket lists help me to “list” distinct ways to grow good seeds in oneself and out in the community. Below is a short explanation of where the four “bucket list” inspirations come from and why I think living them out contributes to joyful, peaceful, hopeful living.

LOVE

Love is about sharing acts of kindness and encouragement daily, weekly and in big ways from time to time. This outward love comes from the deep love of the Father who first loved us. It’s not possible to genuinely receive God’s love without also being filled with time, energy and gifts to serve others. You will always find several simple ways in my inspirational bucket lists to love others.

SELF-CARE

The bottom line is that most women find it easy to lose sight of the handful of things that make them strong and fill them up. Most of the women I know have an easier time with output than input. Poet Amena Brown gave me insight that the golden rule – – Love your neighbor as yourself – – implies that you must first love yourself in order to love others well. You will always see lots of ways to reconnect with yourself. The end game here is to be revived so that you can continue to do whatever it is you love to do.

CREATIVITY

Creativity is for everyone. Yes, you! Author and Spiritual Director Emily P. Freeman taught me that there a million little ways to live out art. Art doesn’t necessary require a paint brush or easel. We live out art in our vocation, through relationships, parenting, hobbies. Whatever you were made to do, that’s your art. The problem is that, as life goes on, we usually drop creativity down on the list of priorities. In that manner, we lose some of the fullness we were made to experience. My inspirational bucket lists invite you to linger again with creativity so that you can find your way back to living with “lightbulb” moments – – lightbulbs that bring on more joy in your every day.

HOSPITALITY

You can find versions of hospitality in the Danish lifestyle of Hygge, Cozy Minimalist living/decor and all sorts of social supper clubs. I think all of these versions and the hundreds of others have exceptional value. There is a ton of joy that comes from hosting friends or couples for a potluck dinner party in your home. Small acts of kindness like sending encouraging snail mail cards or delivering a basket of food are significant components of hospitality – – which is really just a way to help someone feel loved and seen. There is no real formula for hospitality. In fact, I wrote a whole blog about my hospitality failures and wins. The heart of hospitality is that it flows out of a God’s love. We give joy and find a measure of it from loving others through hospitality.

SUMMER BUCKET LIST

Two years ago, I created this Summer Bucket List. That year, I printed the Bucket List and mailed it to about 200 of you. As you know, I love snail mail and I love the idea that maybe the Bucket List could help even one of you find more joy, peace and hope in your every day. I revisited the bucket list this summer. There are a few things I decided to do, again.

Independence Day Mani

I decided on the red, white and blue mani. I was rather excited about this and it turns out that the manicurist was also. She took pics before I left last Thursday. Double bucket list win.

SUMMER LOVE STORY NOVEL

I decided not to read a summer love story novel. Instead, I chose to watch all three Divergent movies. My daughter and I watched the first one again on the plane home from vacation. I always liked the love story between Tris and Four. In May of 2021, I put a few life lessons in place, which allows me to choose this over that, even if I once wrote a list about that. You can read the keep it simple rules I wrote for myself. I know they will resonate with you.

SUMMER GET TOGETHER

I decided not to invite friends over for Kitchen Sink ice cream or for mocktails. However, I am inviting friends over to make Summer Time Capsules. If you are local and are interested, please send me a message at skatz@skatzlaw.com and perhaps you can join us.

THE MAYBES

The rest of my bucket choices are maybes related to things I used to do. Do I welcome them back? Is my life too different now? Do I let these pass without sticking to me? What is my Best Yes? Even small things take time and resources. Small decisions matter in the big picture.

  • Do I get involved again in one of the social justice organizations I financially support?
  • Do I try again to learn the art/skill of Creative Lettering?

STAY IN THE MOMENT

It’s only July. But there are probably fall decorations in Michael’s and Target already. We could be tempted to jump ahead to fall and lose sight of all that God has for us this summer. Push back on the temptation to leave summer early. Take in these days because you won’t get them again. Take what you may need or want from the summer bucket list, or write your own. No matter what, stay here in the summer moment.

Questions to Help Stay in Summer

  • Which of the four areas could I use the most right now? Love, Self Care, Creativity or Hospitality?
  • Chose 2-3 bucket list items in the area that would bring the most peace, hope and joy.
  • Take a look at your choices. Now, choose one more that is outside your interest or comfort zone.
  • Pick an end date to complete the bucket list items.

Feel free to share this post or download the bucket list right here. (page one, page two)

If you want to look at the other bucket lists, check them out here.

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The Strong Tree Who You May Choose To Be

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Dear friends,

I have been writing my whole life. I discovered in sixth grade English class, after submitting a compilation of poems and essays, that expressing thoughts through words is something I could naturally do. This event was meaningful because, at the start of middle school, I had a hard time processing who I was in the world outside my home. Within my family, I had unconditional love and praise. The middle school boxing ring caused me to feel different, and sometimes less than. So, having the top compilation in English class translated as value and talent in this new public space. It’s a good memory to this day.

Since then, I’ve written decades of letters and cards to my loved ones. Tons of papers and essays through high school, college and law school. Once, in my thirties, a book. I’ve written speeches and a handful of eulogies. I’ve blogged for fifteen years with other girls and on my own. Recently, I spent a summer writing poems. After being very sick several years ago, I thought I may choose to never write again. But, I couldn’t actually permanently stop.

Sometimes when I can’t write words, I bake, read, color, plan get togethers or make gifts. This is almost the same as writing because it’s making and sharing. But, it’s not the same as writing. Namely, because I know I was made to write in a more meaningful way than the other ways I can make and share.

What stops us from doing the thing we were made to do?

The relevant question here is – – why don’t we do the thing we know we were knitted together to do? In my case, why haven’t I written much in the last year? My first real excuse is that godaddy tried to eat my blog content a few months ago. They could not explain why they could not find my blog – like it’s gone and we don’t know why so we will call you back tomorrow (and they never did). I then hired a very efficient young man from Fiverr who brought it back in about fifteen minutes. Woohoo! Other than this panicky event that happened in the first quarter of the year, I have a few other thoughts on what stops us from the thing we were knitted together to do.

When Daily Practices Fall Away . . .

I had a really hard time reading in 2024. If you know my reading rhythm, I read about 12 books a year plus my Spring and Fall bible studies. Some of you think that’s a lot. Others of you who read a lot more than me think it’s sort of cute to read a book a month. In any case, I had a hard time reading. I didn’t like a lot of what I choose to read. I tried to move into different genres with some success but not a lot of success. I also became too attached to my phone as a first thing, last thing daily event. The fact is that writers have to read into order to write. In losing the practice of reading daily, I lost my thoughts for writing.

When Big Things Come Up and Other Things Get Smaller

In 2024, I poured most of my self into caring for someone I love very much. I spent a lot of time walking and praying and learning how to know God as the God of Hope. On the other end of my 2024 candle stick, I was poured into and refueled by key women who revived me daily. They built me up with wisdom and stood by me every.single.day. What does all of this mean for following one’s calling? During that time, I was fully using my resources for the work at hand. Sometimes big things sweep in for a season and other things get smaller, including our God given calling.

May the God of Hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.

Romans 15:13

Overwhelm is Overwhelming

The themes that I normally write about are dreams, time and friendship. With dreams there are disappointments. With time, there is an end and a beginning which can be painful. With friendships, we build and sometimes lose what we build. Because of the nature of my soul and personality, I can be overwhelmed by disappointments, ends of things and losing what’s been built. In that overwhelm, I lose words. When I lose words, I let go of the time that I used to use to write them.

There is no shame here. When output isn’t balanced by input, we put parts of ourselves on hold until the balance returns. Sometimes the hold is an intentional choice. In other instances, it’s a limit that just is. In thinking about seasons, limits and what may bear us down, God showed me the trunk of a very strong tree. Here is her story.

The Strong Tree

There is a tree with a very strong trunk. She has branches and twigs, leaves and an anchoring root system. This tree grows stronger over time and in every season. You can choose to be like her by following her patterns. She finds strength even when seasons ask her to live, breathe and move differently. She doesn’t feel shame over her limits, but embraces God’s goodness to see her through to even more strength. 

As the sun rays pour down on her leaves, branches, trunk and root system, she takes in His glory and grows even stronger then.

When the wind blows and she stands through the gusts, she is not weakened. She is made even stronger by the One who holds all things together.

When the rains come and her trunk and root system are saturated and soaked, she is not weakened. She remains still and trusts that the saturation will hydrate her and not harm her. 

When this tree bears fruit, she is made stronger in her bearing. Even in the output, she is not diminished but grows in stature.

We are made Stronger by the Things that Build Us Up & Also the Things That We Weather

The Good Weather

Surely, we are made stronger by the things that build us up. We have good, good days where His glory is as clear as the sun’s rays. In some seasons, all is well and he builds our roots of confidence. We are braver. We remember to believe in His promises and believe the best in others. He expands the coverage of our shade to comfort and love others. We are able to focus and give space to growing, the work of our hands and pursuit of new and exciting adventures.

Blessed is the person who trusts in the Lord . . . She is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of the drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit.

Jeremiah 17: 7-8

The Winds

We are also made stronger by what we weather. In some seasons, we stand in powerful gusts of wind where we are taught long suffering. We didn’t choose the gust that aims to take us or our loved ones out. God teaches us stamina as he give us his supernatural strength. This is possible because we have an available, healthy root system where he can share with us his gifts and power through his love.

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then . .

Ephesians 6:13-14

The Monsoon

We find strength through rains. Life can feel like a monsoon where the rain starts to fall fast, almost out of nowhere. The floods make way quickly. The rushing water flows fast and hard suggesting it’s a good time to give in the current. But no! Our root system and trunk are strong. We can choose to believe that the saturation won’t weaken us. We hold onto our hope and with expectancy, look forward to the strength of the hydration. We have all that we need in him.

You will not need to fight in this battle. Stand firm, hold your position, and see the salvation of the Lord on your behalf.

2 Chronicles 20:17

The Fruit

We also gain strength as we bear fruit. It takes a lot of output to birth beautiful red apples or gorgeous blooms. Outpouring sometimes takes everything we have within us. But the fruit is worth the sacrifice and there is deep gain in contributing to beauty to share with others.

You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you. These things I command you so that you will love one another.

John 15: 16

Remember the Wisdom of the Strong Tree

I pray you hold onto the wisdom of the strong tree. She is an old soul who reminds herself to reframe the storms in her life. Yes, there are hard, hard things that we all weather in our earthly lives. Our memory of our experiences is meant to make us braver and stronger in the current moment. Our memory is meant to bring us to recall our prior strength as we walk forward in His light.

It may be easier to remember the fear of the monsoon or hurricane. But it is wiser to remember that you were hydrated and not harmed. You can choose to think of the relentless wind that blew hard against you, but you can also choose to recall that you were held by your Father who was holding all things together.

As life goes on, we weather more storms. We stand in the wind, take in the sunrays and bear fruit. In other words, we have the privilege of living to see more seasons of life which give way to his faithfulness. The more there is to see, the more strength there is to gain from a Father who is always on watch for his children. It is good to grow into a strong tree.

Questions for Thought:

What season are you in now? Basking in the sun (rest), standing in the storm or bearing fruit?

Whatever your season, what can you learn from the Strong Tree?

What verse did you most relate to in this post?

How can you follow your God given calling in this season?

Meditation Verse:

I have been sent to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion – to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.

Isaiah 61: 3

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How To Spiritually Reset in Nine Hope Filled Steps

Bucket List How To Series

Dear Sisters, it’s time! The season is changing. It’s time for a spiritual reset! I won’t begin to list the emotions or circumstances that you’ve been walking through, but I do know that now is a good time to refresh yourself. The facts of your life may not be changing at this exact moment, but God is present and here with us to increase our peace, encourage us to growth and lead us straight to joy. Take your time reading over these nine steps. You may read them over a few days or a few weeks. And, if you’d like to download the Spiritual Reset Card, click here. Love you girls so very much and pray this Spiritual Reset is just what you need!

Wake up Hopeful 

Because of God’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23

In pressing, stressful times, I have found that the harder the struggle, the harder you will have to fight for your hope. Much of what makes hard times hard is that we don’t get to see the outcome in the trenches. As we fight for the people we love and work through circumstances to the best of our ability, hope can wax and wane – – not for any other reason than we are human. 

This past year, when I was walking through a long term difficulty, troubled over the future, scriptures taught me that God is not only the God of Love, but also the God of Hope. In the same way, when I look back to a season when I was suffering from depression and panic, again, it was hope that I learned to fight for. When I sit with people I love who are suffering, they also could use a showering of hope and encouragement.

May the God of Hope fill you with peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

Each day that we go through hardship, we have a choice to shift our mindset from worry and anxiety to hope. We take our focus off the circumstances and turn our gaze to Him for an overflow of hope. As we cling to His promises, our hope grows and our flame does not go out. 

Even if today is excruciatingly hard, God’s mercies and compassions are new every morning. Our merciful, compassionate God is fully good. It is true that God does not always deliver as we expect or in our timing, but he always shows His  goodness. He has good outcomes for our lives, our families, and those we hold the dearest. Goodness will always prevail and His mercies are every morning. 

Challenge Yourself to Strengthen your Temple 

At the start of summer, I had such a good surprise!

A few years ago, I sat across from two good friends and told them that God had showed me that I’ve spent a lot of time growing my mind and spiritual self, but had neglected my body. God showed me a tangled bougainvillea vine as a representation of the state of my body. I had greatly overlooked how hard my body works to house my mind and soul.

Like most journeys, they begin small. I slowly stretched and moved and prayed in the darkness of the yoga room. God met me and strengthened me. He untwisted the vine and eventually showed me pretty pink blooms. Sister, your temple matters. Take some time to find something you can truly enjoy so that you can strengthen the beautiful body that God gave you. 

Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought with a price. Honor God with your bodies. 1 Corin 1:6

EnJOY and Savor the Small Things 

Go, eat your food with gladness, and drink your wine with a joyful heart, for God has already approved what you do. Always be clothed in white, and always anoint your head with oil. Enjoy life (with the people you love) . . . Ecclesiastes 9:7-9

That’s right. Eat. Drink. Celebrate. Wear Fun Clothes. Invite People Over. Wear blue eyeliner. (I’ve been all summer.)

True, there is so much to worry about in this unjust, unpredictable world. Yes, there are dark days and grey clouds. Many things can’t be fixed. And, there is a lifetime of work to be done. But, scripture tells us to enJOY our days with a MERRY heart. So. Eat the good meal. Make a fun mocktail. Buy fresh flowers. Be festive and enjoy the small things every day. 

Find Your Sacred Spaces & Meet your Father Often

I’m not against the prayer closet. I’ve just never had one. I have a few favorite spots to spend time talking and listening to God. Here are mine. What are you sacred spots? 

My bed: I could start by saying that I’m one of those people who loves her bed. But that’s really not the whole story. Years ago, I learned what life can be like for neglected kids and trafficked kids. I also began to understand poverty and how special it is to have a safe roof over your head and a comfortable bed. From that point on, my bed became a place of gratitude. With an open, grateful heart, I spend a lot of time talking to God in my bed at night, sometimes in the middle of the night and in the early morning. This has become one of my sacred spaces.

Walking near the beach: I like walking beside the beach on the side walk. I walk by restaurants, through little parks with benches and pass the tourists and retirees. Most of what I see sparks creative thoughts that I talk to God about or ask God about. The beach is a special place for me.

Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. Mark‬ ‭1‬:‭35‬ ‭
But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed. Luke‬ ‭5‬:‭16‬

Love Others Through Hospitality & Invite People to Your Table

What does home feel like to you? It doesn’t have to be your actual home and it doesn’t even necessarily have to be a place. What makes you feel like home? 

I feel like home when . . .

  • I’m covered with a cozy blanket on a comfy couch with a yummy drink. 
  • I talk on the phone with a dear friend. 
  • I’m with people who have welcoming hearts that are open to listening and giving feedback. 
  • I receive a personalized present or card in the mail. 
  • My mom bakes dessert from scratch or goes to a special bakery and shares with me. 
  • A friend picks up the bill after an enjoyable coffee or meal together. 
  • I’m invited to a special event or someone else’s family party. 

This is how you love others through hospitality. You make a list of what feels like home to you and you do that for others. No-frills, no pretense, just do it. 

I’m sharing some pics that represent a spring and summer of hospitality for me! Some are on the giving side and some are on the receiving side. (Starting from left to right/description below)

  1. Spending the day with M prepping for her mom’s bday
  2. Looking at pics with my grandma at the nursing home
  3. Being surprised with a beautiful bday cake at my sister in laws
  4. “Welcome to the Table” celebration for my daughter
  5. Two girls who show up & with flowers (always)!
  6. Bonding with the next generation
  7. Speaking into each other after a women’s conference
  8. Creating welcoming arrangements for my home
  9. Our foster dog and Swiss foreign exchange student (Ha! He’s really like our nephew!)
Hospitality Verses: 
Luke 19:1-9 (Jesus’ first words to Zachaeus are let’s get together today!)
Luke 10:38-39 (Mary and Martha invite Jesus for a meal and to spend time with them)

Find Rest, Time is on your Side when you Walk with God

I came across this quote on Pinterest. You’re probably familiar with it. 

This is actually true when you are walking with God.  

Remember the sabbath and keep it holy. Exodus 20:8

Rest isn’t only about setting apart one day of the week. Sabbath is a mindset. 

Let’s state the obvious: there are seasons when we are strapped for time with little rest. Newborns sleep deprive a mama. Tax season drains the accountants’ body and brain. Finals week is the single focus for the college kid. Overwhelming seasons exist. However, the mindset of sabbath is a way to live.

One of my favs, author John Mark Comer tells us that rest is one of the ways of Jesus. Comer shares in his books that Jesus was never too busy and he made rest an attainable rhythm in his life. 

I am going to leave your personal definition of rest and how you schedule it to you and Jesus. You know your quirks and stressors and God will help you find your way to a sabbath mindset. Here are a few things to think about:

  • Define rest with your particular life and schedule in mind. 
  • Your rest doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. 
  • Throw off any guilt you may have about getting the rest you need.

Choose a Practice to Spark Creativity

I feel strongly about the life rhythm of creativity. My strong feelings have little to do with whether you or me can create beautiful art. Instead, creativity is a way to mirror our Father who has been creating since before time began. When we set aside time to ponder and be in awe of God‘s creation and the beautiful things of this world that he’s orchestrated through human expression, God has an opportunity to spark creativity within us. 

For me, this is the reason I always find my way back to writing. I spend time looking at God’s creation and beautiful things in this world. Eventually, I feel in awe of God and it comes out, at least in part, by writing. When I engage in creativity, the act of expression truly fills a part of my heart that feels pleasure when it speaks. 

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James‬ ‭1‬:‭17‬ ‭

My Creative Sparks:

  • Baking every week – – it’s fun and rewarding to make and share something good. 
  • I have a mindful lettering workbook on my home desk that I occasionally practice in. I have a goal to write prettier letters to my friends.
  • Beach walks so that I can look around and see what the Lord is showing me through my surroundings. 
  • I create Pinterest boards in certain areas of interest. Collecting things brings me joy.

Dr. Curt Thompson tells us (in my words) that the awe of beauty and creating beauty is actually part of what rewires our brains and helps heal us from suffering and trauma. Creativity is way to connect with your Father and grow deeper in your relationship with him. If that idea feels very distant to you, then think about your childhood or a season in your life when you felt extremely free. 

More Creative Sparks:

  • Try adult Legos. You can make all kinds of fun things like a succulent garden. 
  • Put a puzzle on your dining room table.
  • Learn how to make charcuterie boards. 
  • Reinvent your closet by creating new and fun outfits with thrift or consignment pieces.
  • Get a job in an industry you love, i.e. my friend Donna became a beauty consultant out of her love for the theater.
  • Go to a convention or special event with a group of friends to learn and grow in an area that sparks your creativity for months to come. 

With love, God created you with the ability to have creative sparks popping in your mind and soul regularly. If you’ll make time for creativity, the Lord will meet you there and life will become lighter, sweeter and deeper.

Sleep Well, God is Singing Over You

The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah‬ ‭3‬:‭17‬

When the night falls, He is singing over you. He is present in your deep sleep. He is there when you lay awake, whether in peace or panic, or somewhere in between. Even with the best evening practice to prepare for rest, sleep can be a struggle. Even when we pray and employ all the tools for getting a good night sleep, we may not get the rest we desire. 

I don’t have a hack for sleeping peacefully, but I do know that, whatever sleep cycle you are in, He is with you, singing over you. I challenge you to worry less about the sleep cycle you are in and let the night be a time for God to minister to your body, mind and soul. In other words, if sleep escapes you, let that time serve as time with God to grow in peace. Let that time diminish the anxiety, worry or panic you may feel in the night. Of course, we all want deep, renewing sleep, but if it’s not where you are, let go of the concern and find peace while God sings over you in the night. 

Remember Truth

Finally, remember that you could very well think of yourself as a master of everything on this Spiritual Reset list. But masters, we will never be.  We have a master to follow, mirror and grow into his reflection. We have a master that will make all things new one day, but not so much today. Go and do and be all of the things. But in your heart of hearts, know that all of it will fall just a little bit short. And, that’s okay because another day is coming. Remember what your King says to you: 

I am coming soon. Hold on to what you have, so that no one will take your crown. The one who is victorious I will make a pillar in the temple of my God. Never again will they leave it. I will write on them the name of my God and the name of the city of my God, the new Jerusalem, which is coming down out of heaven from my God; and I will also write on them my new name. Whoever has ears, let them hear… Revelation‬ ‭3‬:‭11‬-‭13‬

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How to Live Out Hope with Our Dreams

Be Strong How To Series

Dear friends, it’s been awhile for very good reasons. I’ve just had my second high school senior year as a mom. If any of you have asked me for senior year advise, I’ve told you to resign and decline from all the extras before this very unique year begins. Senior year as a mom is like having a part time job of the heart, mind and mom (man) power. For that reason, I resigned and declined from my writing to you in this season.

New Thoughts About Dreams

Now, I come to you with some new words. I’m sharing a poem or perhaps better described as prose that I wrote one night in between texting with my beloved sisters. I am sure you have a similar band of sisters. We keep in touch by text and by meeting every two months or so for a pow-wow as deep as the sea. 

I was the one of the sisters who was letting a child go. Because they know the feel of this season, they served me compassionately like a was a new mom finding her way. Soon before my daughter graduated, I had a wave of grieving. Good Lord, for so many reasons. In that time, I wrote a poem called, Just Like That – – which became one of the gifts I gave to my daughter as she moved into her new college season.

I’ve written about dreams over the years, including a bunch about dreams dying. For a person of faith, it may not sound like the most likely topic. I am extraordinarily grateful to embrace a philosophy that offers the utmost hope. I’ve also lived long enough to know that beauty from ashes treads a lot of pain. Dreams dying is a space of vulnerability and authenticity for me. I have to talk and write about it. I have a few new things to say.

The Story of Senior Year (In Part)

My daughter was badly injured during a dance performance ten days before her college auditions began for about ten fine arts programs. She was unable to dance for about two months and then quickly had to audition in the Spring for almost all the schools in a short span of time. 

Many of you know that my son had an injury his junior year of high school that ended his plan for college sports. My daughter’s injury immediately felt like another dream dying. We have these moments where our heads feel like they are being spun around in the washing machine with all we know to be true but having no understanding of which truth will be true in this set of circumstances. 

Dreams dying applies to a future you thought you would have and even worked very hard for. Dreams dying applies to relationships that look differently than you had hoped or planned for. Dreams dying applies to shifted plans and unexpected courses fueled by sin and choices that you don’t have control over. 

In the months that my daughter recovered and continued her path, I prayed scripture as I walked around my neighborhood. Really just one scripture specifically. Over and over. 

May the God of Hope fill you with joy and peace so that you may overflow with Hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

When Dreams Die

Dreams die a few times in a lifetime. We are not privy to outcomes in the thick of the difficulties of this life. This particular scripture was central for me because it excluded circumstance and outcome. Romans 15:13 directed me to my prayer for hope because God does not disappoint even when He doesn’t speak to life our dream the way we imagine it. The road to hope appears to be Joy and Peace, as we choose to believe in Him. So I asked for that too as I invited the Holy Spirit to overflow me with Hope. 

Isn’t that the real answer when all may be lost? Lord, give me Joy & Peace so that Hope may come by the power of the Holy Spirit. And, while God is the God of Love, this scripture tells us that God is also the God of Hope. That truth became so real to me. When it feels dark, He is not just there to love us in the moment but to give us the gift of Hope. We have the sustaining gift of Hope separate and apart from circumstances and outcome. 

What Shall We Do When Dreams Die?

The following encouragement comes from a continuing conversation with one of my sisters. We believe that moms especially need to know the Gift of Hope when it comes to dreams of your child and for your child. Over a lifetime of mothering, some of these dreams will shift even when you do not wish for it. Some will be delayed and it will hurt. Some will not be as you imagined and there will be pain in the loss. 

Dear sisters, prepare your hearts for this. If you don’t know your Lord as your God of Hope, some of these dying dreams could crush you. The dark side will try to use a delayed or shifted dream to kill a handful of other dreams that didn’t need to fall out. What shall we do?

In the thick of the mess, there is a higher calling to love like and hope like your Jesus. You will need to mirror Him over and over again in the holy ways of love and hope that make no sense to this world. You can choose love and hope even when you think all is lost. You can choose love and hope when your heart is breaking and there is no apparent return for the Christlike path. You can choose love and hope in your pain while you walk a road you didn’t plan for. My sister, you can choose love and hope by endurance and the encouragement of sisters and scripture. These are God’s promises. Romans 15:4-5. Love and hope is our only hope. 

Just Like That, Seasons Change

The title of my poem is Just Like That. The poem is about fighting and believing again and again until Just Like That, the season changes.

My daughter’s season did change. God miraculously allowed her to have a number of spectacular auditions with many open doors. Her story is not over with dance or outside of dance. Her story will be her own hike with Jesus through mountains and valleys with the most gorgeous views from both sides. I’m not the author of her journey, but I will gladly be in her periphery offering love and hope in every season. Until Just Like That, the season changes. 

Just Like That

Nothing can separate you from the love of Christ.
You are worth more than many sparrows.
You are beautiful.
Never give up.
Let go.
Become.
Keep going.
The sun will rise.

You are chosen.
It’s going to be okay.
Beauty comes from ashes.
Put on the full armor of God.
Cast your cares on Him.
Trust that He’s figuring it out.

You are loved.
The joy of the Lord is your strength.
Feel deeply.
Enter into peace.
Be courageous.
Fight.
Scripture is being fulfilled.

Let the light run wild.
Stand up to the boisterous sea.
Tell God’s truth.
God is within you.
Change the narrative.
Clear the path.
Be made new.
Rise again.

He is near.
The best is yet to come.
Fan the flame.
Try again.
Make up your mind to persevere.
Get unstuck.
Grace will catch you.
This is your moment.

You are more precious than rubies.
Dwell in what you do have.
Be patient.
Express authenticity.
Be brave again and again.
Remember the fullness of summer.
Love with your whole heart.
And, just like that, the season changed.

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How to Rewrite Unhealthy Expectations

How To Series

This post was born from a realization that I recently had about an unhealthy expectation. I’ve had this particular expectation about life since I was a teen. I never really thought about the validity of it. However, what I do know is that each time the expectation creeped up on me, I ended up feeling bad. Sort of loser-ish. This realization has lead me to decide it’s time to test my expectations and begin rewriting them!

What are expectations?

Expectations are our beliefs about what is likely to happen in the future. Anticipated outcome. Initially, we understand life through what is expected of us. Later we form expectations of others and of the world around us. Neuroscience tells us that we are happiest when our expectations are accurate. The opposite is also true. 

Expectations live in the small things like our daily tasks and schedules. For example, you expect to take thirty-five minutes to get ready before you leave the house for the day. You expect that Sunday will be more restful than Tuesday. You expect appointments to happen at or around their scheduled times. Even these “small” expectations are deeply rooted in us. When our expectations are met, we see our day as good or smooth. When they are not, we may see our day as bad or bumpy. 

Expectations also speak into bigger, meaningful parts of our lives like relationships, family and vocation. Think about where you thought you would be at this point in your life. Career. Marriage. Kids. Education. Friendships. Did you expect some things to change that didn’t? Did you expect some things to remain the same that changed? These “bigger” expectations are also deeply rooted in us. They vastly inform how we see, not just our day, but our life as working or not working, failing or succeeding. 

The Power of Expectations, Healthy & Unhealthy

Expectations have power over our perception of our lives in big and small things. For this reason, it makes good sense to consider our expectations and put them to the test. A handful of years ago, I had my own season of testing my expectations. I learned that – 

Healthy expectations are realistic, based on past experience and rooted in reliable truths.

It’s easy to let our expectations run wild in opposite directions. We can unrealistically believe for the best outcome. We can unrealistically expect the worst outcome. The first extreme sets us up for unnecessary disappointment and the second drums up anxiety and stress as we wait for the worst. 

As I mentioned, this post was born from a realization that I recently had about an expectation I have had about life since I was a teen. I have had the expectation that, as I grew older in age, life would become more and more secure. So, as an adult, when recurring hardships would arise, I would sometimes come to these two unhealthy conclusions such as –

Financial hardship should be of the past. Shouldn’t I have been smart enough or worked hard enough to rise above or be prepared for seasons of less? I should be financially secure by now.

Insecurity should be of the past. Why do I feel insecure or vulnerable even when I am genuinely loved? I should be secure within myself by now.

Put Your Expectations to the Test

As I considered the three-pronged expectation test, I asked myself the following:

  1. Is my expectation that life increases in security over time realistic?
  2. Is my expectation reflective of my past experiences or of persons that I know?
  3. Is my expectation based on reliable truth? 

Realistic?

Frankly, we don’t have control of the variables impacting our lives. For that reason, we can’t trust that security increases with age. Life is more like a roller coaster. We can decide how loud we’ll scream or if we will sit in the first row. But we don’t design the coaster (for the most part). 

On the coaster, we can acknowledge our fears and grab the one who promises to be with us, especially when we are upside down or speeding down fast. Believing that the coaster is not supposed to be filled with “sharp curves, steep slopes and other elements designed to produce a thrilling experience” is shifting sand. No, it’s not realistic to expect life to become more secure with age. Perhaps it makes more sense to believe that our relationship with God grows more secure with age (if we let it). 

Reflective?

My expectation that security increases with age hasn’t served me well before. For that reason, it will probably not serve me well now. When I measure my circumstances with this expectation, it usually contributes to sadness and less hope as I consider the hardship at hand. On the other hand, my actual life experience tells me that whenever I lose my bearings, God brings me close. In awfully hard times, he shows me new ways to trust him. He teaches me fresh ways to understand and believe his word. He shows me what I am capable of. God answers prayers. 

Reliable?

Is there a reliable truth that makes my expectation credible? Over the years, I’ve grown in wisdom and grit. I’ve learned that kindness, consistency and hope go a long way when life is hard. Yes, life experience over time grows character. But character is character, not security. In addition, my expectations tend to call down judgment upon myself over circumstances that I don’t have control over. My expectation leads me to overlook what God is up to in my life when things are difficult.

Let’s conclude that my expectation is not the healthy kind. That means it is time to rewrite my expectation. But first . . .

Why are we obsessed with expectations?

How did we get so attached to if/then thinking? Why do we like the future telling crystal ball so much? What is so attractive about anticipated outcomes?

I heard a great answer recently from biblical scholar N.T. Wright. He said we are obsessed with controlling and understanding outcome because – – 

We are children of the 19th century.

Professor and Biblical Scholar, N.T. Wright

I know, what kind of a great answer is that? Let me give you the context.

The 19th century is known for the rise of rationalism, utilitarianism and science. We (you and me) are the children of thinkers who shifted away from experience and intuition. We crave answers and we believe we can get them through empirical evidence and the scientific method. So, I am telling you that, not just as a generation, but as a millennium, rationalism is a broad-brush stroke that describes how we think. 

Can you relate to over rationalized thinking?

For example, we seek control by way of rational thinking like “if and then” statements or conclusions. We create expectations through calculations. If we are not careful, we can use intellect to pull God into our desire to calculate and control. We can insert our expectations of life and how we want to get from A to B right into God’s will for our lives.

At that point, we are stepping into the designer’s shoes. Because we are human and we want answers, we often try to wear shoes that explain, make sense or anticipate the sharp curves and steep slopes of our lives. We apply calculations to subject matter that requires far more complex thinking. Will you stop here with me for a moment and read that again? We apply calculations to subject matter that requires far more complex thinking. This is not a dig at your intelligence or mine. There is a far greater force at work that is unarguably beyond our comprehension.

What do you we do with unanswerable questions?

How does a man named Randy in hospice wake up after an induced coma and brain bleed and start intelligently engaging with his wife and kids?

Why does death look more like healing for my Aunt Randi who has been addicted to drugs her entire adult life?

How did I keep going long enough for the knife in my chest to heal after my oldest left for college?

How does God bring a friendship back after so much scar tissue?

How does a marriage find new ways to love over and over again through a lifetime lows and highs?

How can we believe that there is a whole eternal life ahead of us when the one we are currently living feels so linear?

Girls, I am on a roll. I can think of ten more unanswerable questions like this. So can you because you are also living in a time and space of limited knowledge and control, and also a space of unlimited love and grace. 

Expectations have power over our perception of small and big things in our lives. Put your expectations to the test. Weed out the unhealthy expectations within you. Give yourself grace in the sense that it is normal to desire control and to rely on rational, scientific if/then thinking. At the same time, acknowledge that there is a far greater force at work that is beyond our comprehension.

REWRITE UNHEALTHY EXPECTATIONS

Rewrite your if/then statements with open ended faith. Burn down your versions of crystal balls and tarot cards. Practice desiring freedom over control. Believe a story that is not masked with anticipated outcomes but embraces the designer’s adventure for us. You were not made to suffer under unhealthy expectations.

We are the children of the age of rationalism. But we are first children of God. We can crave answers and also decide to be filled with mystery. We can utilize intellect and also defer to a complex designer who is redeeming beyond our human comprehension. 

Dear sisters, this is how I rewrite my unhealthy expectation that security increases with age. Rather, I believe –

Over time and every time, God promises to be with me, especially when I am upside down or speeding down fast. God brings me close when I lose my bearings. In awfully hard times, God shows me fresh ways to trust and believe him. He places me among safe sisters who weather storms with me and stay in the room with me when my vulnerability is at its height. In difficult times, He shows me what I am capable of and that he answers my prayers. He helps me sit tight in unanswered questions and brings me to quiet waters. He teaches me that no matter what this moment is made of, His goodness and mercy follow me all the days of my life. 

Thoughtful Questions on Rewriting your Unhealthy Expectations:

Can you think of any expectations that are not working for you? If you can’t think of any, consider your childhood dreams, family background, your version of success or any big letdowns you have experienced. 

Once you have one or two of your expectations pinned, try the three-pronged test. Healthy expectations are 1) realistic, 2) based on past experience and 3) rooted in reliable truths. Can you rewrite your expectation to a healthy version?

What do you think about N. T. Wright’s statement that “we are children of the 19th century.” Do you find yourself analyzing primarily through rationalism and science? Can you intentionally incorporate intuition and experience into your thinking?

Do you remember any times in your life when the hand of God was beyond your comprehension? That’s the kind of thinking you can use to rewrite your expectations. Try it!

Love always,

Sasha

Hey girls, this post has me thinking a lot about character. I wrote a devotion called The Character Study: 14 Days of Growing Wisdom into Your Everyday. The backbone of this devotion is wisdom of the proverbs. You are invited to Download Day 1! Click Here.

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